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Sunday, May 29, 2011

E.T., it's Time for a New Phone

Just upgraded to a Samsung Epic phone, from an HTC Touch Pro 2 (turrible Windows phone). I was way overdue.

I am already in love. Kind of like the first time I ate at The Great Impasta in Overland Park, some things are just meant to be.

If you're looking to go Beyonce on it and upgrade your phone, I recommend talking with Kirk Riley at Nebraska Furniture Mart. Tell'em Brad sent ya, and he'll hook you up with the same kick-ass service he gave me. He's a kool kat, and he knows his stuff.

First blogosphere action in a while, so I'll keep it short.

Keep on keepin' on, my single-digit followers.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Carb is a Four-Letter Word

Carbs get a pretty bad rap. You'll rarely hear someone say, "Oh man those carbs really helped me recover from my workout and build some lean mass." Instead, you'll hear, "OMG that carb is stealing my car!" Or "Those stupid carbs ate my homework!" Or "If I have to listen to that carb's ridiculous Michael McDonald ringtone one more time, I'm gonna jump!"

With so much animosity toward an essential part of a healthy diet, what are you to believe? Well what if I told you that having a bigger hand than your face meant that you were retarded? Would you believe that?

Just like the show Law & Order, there are two different yet equally important roles that carbs play. One of them is the nutrient-rich, high-quality complex carb, and the other one is the sugary gobbledy-goop that's making it impossible to lose those last five pounds.

Complex carbs are the good guys. They basically come from grain products that are brown. Here are some examples: brown rice, actual whole wheat bread, steel cut oats, and quinoa (pronounced keen-wah). Wheat bread can be deceiving. I had been eating Sara Lee 100% Classic Whole Wheat bread for a while before I checked the ingredient list. The third flipping ingredient was High Fructose Corn Syrup. I almost punched the bread right in the crust. I felt betrayed, like when Garfield sabotages one of Jon's dates by tagging along.

Complex carbs, when taken at the right times of the day (especially good to start your day or for lunch), are crucial to maintaining good energy levels and balance in your diet. You want to ramp down your carbs (of either type) later in the day, and if you're shooting to lose weight, you'll want to eat limited or no carbs 4 hours before bedtime.

The bad guys are the simple carbs (essentially sugars). Found plentifully in sodas and candy, they also sneak their way into all kinds of other foods by using fancy monikers. Here are a few of the more popular ones, but feel free to "ask jeeves" if you'd like to learn other ways people sneak sugar into ingredient lists:

-corn syrup and high fructose corn syrup
-fruit juice concentrate
-fructose/glucose/sucrose/maltose/lactose
-dextran/dextrose/diatase

If the word sounds like it was created in a lab, it probably was, and it's probably there to make something taste better, not to make you healthier.

Now not all simple sugars are bad. Fruit contains fructose in much smaller amounts than a mountain dew, and the fiber and vitamins you get from eating fruit outweighs the sugar they contain.

After a tough workout (especially one involving lifting), your body will be craving carbs and protein to help recover and rebuild the muscles you just tore down. This is the perfect time to get a good mixture of simple (because they absorb quickly) carbohydrates and whey (the fastest absorbing) protein. There are many theories to the ideal ratio of carbohydrates to protein you should ingest for a post-workout or "recovery" drink/meal, but some of the latest studies say somewhere around 4:1 (4 grams of carbs to 1 gram of protein). It's more convenient to bring a drink with you to the gym (liquids also absorb quicker than food) so you might be looking for a shake that had 40 grams of carbohydrates and 10 grams of protein. I personally tend to have a heavier protein ratio than that, but I'm experimenting with getting closer to that 4:1 carb:protein ratio.

People who go out of their away to avoid carbs end up cranky and lethargic. Or they'll get so used to eating a no-carb diet that if they look at a bagel they'll gain two pounds. Don't avoid carbs completely, just eat the right ones at the right time. There we go, hope I didn't Carb Your Enthusiasm. Ba dum ching!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

How to Almost Be Able to Play a Song on the Guitar in Just 10 Short Years

I took an acoustic guitar with me to college when I was 18. I was going to teach myself to play. I'm not exactly sure why, but it seemed like a cool thing to do at the time.

Maybe I figured I would take the old six-string out to the quad and play some Jack Johnson while co-eds were tossing around the frisbee. Maybe I'd start an alt-rock grunge band and we'd write songs about how mad we were at our dads and classic teenage angst. Maybe I'd master fun singalongs and be a "must-have" guest at float trips or outdoor parties.

SPOILER ALERT!!1!

None of that actually happened. After starting to get the hang of things in college, I proceeded to take multiple several-year breaks over the next 10 years, each time losing whatever progress I had previously made. It wasn't for lack of desire or dedication, wait, yes, yes it was, it was for lack of both of those things.

Mastering the guitar can take longer than trying to read the Lord of the Rings books, but learning a few basics and a handful of chords can get you to the point where you can actually play a few songs. So let's start with the string names - from low to high - with the low string being on the top. And we'll make a fun acronym to help you remember them.

Edward James Olmos
Achieved great success
Despite the odds
Given to him by nearly everyone
By teaching kids advanced math in an
environment that was difficult to learn in

So there you go, E A D G B e (we do that one in lowercase cause it makes a high sound, like one you might make when you're startled by a bug in the kitchen or bathroom).

Now that you've got the string names down, you just need to learn a few chords. Here are five major chords worth learning, with the thick black line representing the beginning of the frets and the left-most string being the low (top) E string. An "X" by the string means don't play it, and an "O" means you play the string with no frets pressed down.


Getting these down will take a little practice. You'll have to train your hands to wrap around the neck of the guitar so that you can press down the right notes without deadening the other strings. But I have faith in you. Before you know it you'll be rocking out with the bros to Counting Crows or Live or Dishwalla or some other awesome band from the 90s.

*furiously strumming air guitar chords* I alone, love you. I alone, tempt you.

Oh crap this thing is still recording? Where is the off button?!

The Splits: How to Excel at Twister Without Pulling Your Groin

Let's talk about splits. Splits are simply how you break up your workout routine. They can be weekly, monthly, seasonally, or during the time of the year when your favorite TV show is not cranking out new episodes. Whether you're an animal, vegetable, or mineral, at some point you're going to want a little method to your madness. This one's gonna be long. *cracks knuckles*

To start, let's break down the major muscle groups and what I think are the best exercises for each. Almost everything listed here is using free weights or your own body weight. I prefer using free weights to machines whenever possible, as they require more core activation and strengthen your stabilizer muscles. Machines can be a nice way to work on your initial strength and form, or used for a change of pace, but get out there and swing some real weights if you can. If you don't know how to do one of these moves, you can typically find an example of someone demonstrating lifts by searching on Youtube. If you're gonna be on Youtube anyway, check out a Keyboard Cat vid or somebody falling off their bike. Good stuff.

Chest:
-Incline Dumbbell Press
-Flat Bench Press
-Pushups (Standard or wide hand position)
-Decline Dumbbell Press
-Incline Dumbbell Fly
-Butterfly Machine or Pec Deck
-Wide-grip Dips

Back:
-Pull-ups (any hand position, but a wide grip is my favorite)
-Dead Lifts (barbell or dumbbell)
-Dumbbell Rows
-Lat Pulldowns
-Seated Rows
-Pull-overs

Shoulders:
-Military Press and/or Arnolds
-Lateral Fly
-Upright Rows
-Front/Side Fly
-Narrow Grip Push-ups

Traps:
-Barbell Shrugs
-Dumbbell Shrugs

Quads and Hamstrings:
-Squats (Barbell or Dumbbell)
-Lunges (with dumbbells)
-Leg Press
-Leg Extensions
-Leg Curls

Calves:
-Calf Extensions with weights (in varying standing positions)
-Jump Rope

Biceps:
-Preacher Curls
-Barbell Curls
-Dumbbell Curls
-Hammer Curls
-Chin-ups

Triceps:
-Close-grip Barbell Bench Press
-Skull Crushers
-Tricep Extensions
-Dips (with a weight belt even better)
-Tricep kickbacks

Forearms:
-Reverse Curls
-Hammer Curls

Abs: (There are hundreds of moves, but here are a few of my staples)
-Weighted Crunches (with a machine or weight ball)
-In and Outs
-Bicycles
-Leg Raises
-Weighted Leaners

Here's an example of a 4-day split for a woman:

workouts: 4 times a week for 60 minutes
goal: lose weight, tighten up

Day 1: Mixed
30 minutes:
-Chest, Back, Shoulders
20 minutes:
-Intervals on the treadmill
10 minutes:
-Abs

Day 2: Mixed
30 minutes:
-Quads, Hamstrings, Calves, Abs
30 minutes:
-Intervals on the Elliptical on a heavy incline

Day 3: Cardio
-55 minutes of your favorite cardio - spin class, running, elliptical, whatever

Day 4: Core
-45 minutes of pilates and/or yoga
-15 minutes of biceps, triceps, forearms, abs

Here's an example of a 4-day split for a guy (with no cardio):

workouts: 4 times a week at 60 minutes
goal: build muscle, lose body fat

Day 1: Chest and Triceps for 50 minutes, 10 minutes of Abs
Day 2: Back and Biceps for 50 minutes, 10 minutes of Abs
Day 3: Quads, Hamstrings, and calves for 60 minutes
Day 4: Shoulders, Traps, Forearms and Abs for 60 minutes

There is no one program that is going to fit everyone. Let's say you can only lift twice a week, you can make one day lower body and abs and the second day everything else. Or you can just lift one day per week and pick one lift for each body part.

How many muscle groups you are working on a day will determine how many exercises and sets you'll do. If you're only doing chest, then you can do 4-7 exercises at 3-4 sets each. If you're doing Chest, Back, Shoulders and Traps, then you'll do 1-2 exercises at 3-4 sets each.

Generally speaking, if you want to build muscle (and mass), shoot for 8-10 reps per set. If you want more definition and tone, shoot for 12-15 reps per set. And pick the right weight; you should be struggling toward the end of each set but able to maintain good form.

At the end of the day, variety is like a Spice Girl. Posh spice, we'll say. If you're running 4 times a week on a treadmill at the same speed, after a short time your body will adapt and you'll stop getting the same benefits.

So the next time you're at a party, you can suggest Twister, or better yet, you can watch the movie Twister. Is that Bill Paxton or Bill Pullman in that? Impossible to tell them apart.

Monday, May 3, 2010

The Coolest Poster Ever Made


If you're like me, occasionally you'll come across an idea that's so revolutionary you just stop and think to yourself, "Slug in a ditch! Why couldn't I have come up with that?! It makes so much sense!"

The last three ideas/inventions that made me do this were:

-The Steam Engine
-The Magic Bullet (it's a blender/glass, and it makes guacamole!!)
-A Dolphins Wearing Sunglasses Poster

They say hindsight is like the newsmagazine show 20/20: boring and for old people. And I think they're right. If you look at some of the most famous old people, like Einstein, Santa, or Dumbledore, it's pretty obvious that they're all smart kats (and have great hair LOL).

When I first saw the dolphins poster, I fell in love. For the first time in my life, I felt complete actualization, and to this day I'm not even sure what that means. Everyone loves dolphins, but us, as land-walkers, always worry about if they ever have any time for fun. I mean, they're so busy making soundwaves and avoiding killer tuna nets, do they ever get to kick back with the crew and just chillax? Well, this poster squashed that debate once and for all.

Dolphins do, in fact, kick ass.

But, this is clearly a post about hydration. And since dolphins live in water, this made for a perfectly logical segue to talk about the importance of drinking enough water.

I've heard tons of theories about how much water you should be drinking, and everyone seems to have a different opinion. In Tony Gonzalez's book The All-Pro Diet (Chiefs n Chopper ROFL), he provides an easy way to calculate your daily water requirement. Simply divide your total body weight by 2. So, if you weigh 130 pounds, you should drink at least 65 ounces of water a day.

"Hay Brad is it kewl if I just drink 12 Diet Cokes a day instead of all this water nonsense?"

I wish I had a great answer for this, but unfortunately, the study of nutrition is apparently absurdly hard, and what I've learned is that no one really understands how our bodies process individual nutrients. I could tell you that artificial sweeteners cause cancer but I really think there's nowhere near enough evidence to prove that. I might as well start making claims like "I invented the term Blogical Sciences." Hmm, I kinda like that actually. Suffice it to say, diet sodas do not provide the same benefits as straight up water. I'm not saying you have to give them up completely (as I think they're still better for you than regular sodas), but stop drinking so many of them. And understand that there is not a 1:1 health ratio benefit between diet soda and water.

So now let's talk about something that we do know. Without getting too complex, muscle is made of two things: water and protein. So if you want to build muscle, be healthy, and look good in your Target swimsuit, drink more water and eat more protein. Once I look up what a "protein" is, I'll probably have to do another post. This thing is like The Neverending Story sans awesome flying dragondogs.

Which Weighs More: 1,000 Pounds of Muscle or 1,000 Pounds of Fat?

Clearly, the muscle will weigh considerably more. I've calculated that 1,000 pounds of muscle is actually 1,800 pounds of muscle and that 1,000 pounds of fat is more like 650 pounds of fat. I worked out this equation with my personal trainer.

Of course I'm jk'ing with you here, because I don't have a personal trainer. But if I did, and my goal was to lose weight and I wasn't losing weight, I would not be the least bit surprised to hear those infamous words come up in conversation.

So here's the dealio: muscle is more dense than fat. So if you've ever got caught up watching TLC and they're performing lipo on someone, you've likely seen them pull out gobs of a gelatinous yellowy-orange substance that i've nicknamed "fat." Then they'll put the "fat" in some tube and say it's 10 pounds. Now you'd never see anyone have 10 pounds of muscle removed from them, but if they did, it would go into a smaller tube.

If you have a personal trainer and your goal is to lose weight, do not fall into this absurd rationalization process. Yes, you may be gaining some muscle during the process which may minimize the initial changes, but if you want to lose weight, you should *drum roll* be losing weight.

Now the tough thing about personal training is that trainers only see clients for a few hours a week. What they do in the rest of their free time is far more important than the time they spend training in the gym. So don't eat like an idiot. And stop saying this ridiculous phrase. And stop playing Farmville. Okay, you can still play Farmville. I'm sorry, I got caught up in the moment.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Everything I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten Cop


I work at a digital printing company. My responsibilities include the release and scheduling of the majority of our work, as well as being the point person on our second largest client. However, my friends and family seem to think that all day long I'm secretly hoping one of them will give me a "fun project" to spend my endless amounts of free time on.

Since I will likely never escape this rigmarole, I might as well drop some basic file knowledge on you, for both of our sakes.

Screen resolution: DPI stands for Dots Per Inch. Almost any image you are looking at on your computer screen is 72 DPI. 72 DPI is known as "screen resolution" and it's used because it looks good on a screen. If you go any bigger than that your file will become unnecessarily large and not load quickly. When you upload a picture into the "GiRlS NiGhT OuT!!1" album on Facebook, even though your camera has taken a high-resolution picture, Facebook will downsample your image to 72 DPI. They do this to save space and load pages faster. Plus they'd have to buy more Internet Tubes if they wanted to keep all those images at their original size.

Printing resolution: Printers require a much higher image resolution. We recommend all of our clients send us at least 300 DPI images. You can go higher than that but once you get past 600 DPI you won't see any noticeable differences.

If you ask me to print you some huge collage and you send me a picture from Facebook, I will bury you alive. Send me the original picture or it will print blurry.

Designing for Print: since this is a 101 post, we'll be brief. Computer monitors output colors in RGB (red, green, blue). Printers lay down ink in CMYK (cyan, magenta, yellow, black). Any design program worth its salt will have options that allow you to change your color mode to CMYK. Unless you seriously tweak your monitor, you will never be looking at actual representations of how colors will print, but you will at least be closer to the real thing. And when you send me your file, it will already be in CMYK. When printers interpret files that are in RGB, they say "F you, RGB!" and they just convert it into CMYK anyway.

There's plenty more to cover but since I have endless free time I'll just come back and add more later.