How to Almost Be Able to Play a Song on the Guitar in Just 10 Short Years

I took an acoustic guitar with me to college when I was 18. I was going to teach myself to play. I'm not exactly sure why, but it seemed like a cool thing to do at the time.

Maybe I figured I would take the old six-string out to the quad and play some Jack Johnson while co-eds were tossing around the frisbee. Maybe I'd start an alt-rock grunge band and we'd write songs about how mad we were at our dads and classic teenage angst. Maybe I'd master fun singalongs and be a "must-have" guest at float trips or outdoor parties.

SPOILER ALERT!!1!

None of that actually happened. After starting to get the hang of things in college, I proceeded to take multiple several-year breaks over the next 10 years, each time losing whatever progress I had previously made. It wasn't for lack of desire or dedication, wait, yes, yes it was, it was for lack of both of those things.

Mastering the guitar can take longer than trying to read the Lord of the Rings books, but learning a few basics and a handful of chords can get you to the point where you can actually play a few songs. So let's start with the string names - from low to high - with the low string being on the top. And we'll make a fun acronym to help you remember them.

Edward James Olmos
Achieved great success
Despite the odds
Given to him by nearly everyone
By teaching kids advanced math in an
environment that was difficult to learn in

So there you go, E A D G B e (we do that one in lowercase cause it makes a high sound, like one you might make when you're startled by a bug in the kitchen or bathroom).

Now that you've got the string names down, you just need to learn a few chords. Here are five major chords worth learning, with the thick black line representing the beginning of the frets and the left-most string being the low (top) E string. An "X" by the string means don't play it, and an "O" means you play the string with no frets pressed down.


Getting these down will take a little practice. You'll have to train your hands to wrap around the neck of the guitar so that you can press down the right notes without deadening the other strings. But I have faith in you. Before you know it you'll be rocking out with the bros to Counting Crows or Live or Dishwalla or some other awesome band from the 90s.

*furiously strumming air guitar chords* I alone, love you. I alone, tempt you.

Oh crap this thing is still recording? Where is the off button?!