Carb is a Four-Letter Word

Carbs get a pretty bad rap. You'll rarely hear someone say, "Oh man those carbs really helped me recover from my workout and build some lean mass." Instead, you'll hear, "OMG that carb is stealing my car!" Or "Those stupid carbs ate my homework!" Or "If I have to listen to that carb's ridiculous Michael McDonald ringtone one more time, I'm gonna jump!"

With so much animosity toward an essential part of a healthy diet, what are you to believe? Well what if I told you that having a bigger hand than your face meant that you were retarded? Would you believe that?

Just like the show Law & Order, there are two different yet equally important roles that carbs play. One of them is the nutrient-rich, high-quality complex carb, and the other one is the sugary gobbledy-goop that's making it impossible to lose those last five pounds.

Complex carbs are the good guys. They basically come from grain products that are brown. Here are some examples: brown rice, actual whole wheat bread, steel cut oats, and quinoa (pronounced keen-wah). Wheat bread can be deceiving. I had been eating Sara Lee 100% Classic Whole Wheat bread for a while before I checked the ingredient list. The third flipping ingredient was High Fructose Corn Syrup. I almost punched the bread right in the crust. I felt betrayed, like when Garfield sabotages one of Jon's dates by tagging along.

Complex carbs, when taken at the right times of the day (especially good to start your day or for lunch), are crucial to maintaining good energy levels and balance in your diet. You want to ramp down your carbs (of either type) later in the day, and if you're shooting to lose weight, you'll want to eat limited or no carbs 4 hours before bedtime.

The bad guys are the simple carbs (essentially sugars). Found plentifully in sodas and candy, they also sneak their way into all kinds of other foods by using fancy monikers. Here are a few of the more popular ones, but feel free to "ask jeeves" if you'd like to learn other ways people sneak sugar into ingredient lists:

-corn syrup and high fructose corn syrup
-fruit juice concentrate
-fructose/glucose/sucrose/maltose/lactose
-dextran/dextrose/diatase

If the word sounds like it was created in a lab, it probably was, and it's probably there to make something taste better, not to make you healthier.

Now not all simple sugars are bad. Fruit contains fructose in much smaller amounts than a mountain dew, and the fiber and vitamins you get from eating fruit outweighs the sugar they contain.

After a tough workout (especially one involving lifting), your body will be craving carbs and protein to help recover and rebuild the muscles you just tore down. This is the perfect time to get a good mixture of simple (because they absorb quickly) carbohydrates and whey (the fastest absorbing) protein. There are many theories to the ideal ratio of carbohydrates to protein you should ingest for a post-workout or "recovery" drink/meal, but some of the latest studies say somewhere around 4:1 (4 grams of carbs to 1 gram of protein). It's more convenient to bring a drink with you to the gym (liquids also absorb quicker than food) so you might be looking for a shake that had 40 grams of carbohydrates and 10 grams of protein. I personally tend to have a heavier protein ratio than that, but I'm experimenting with getting closer to that 4:1 carb:protein ratio.

People who go out of their away to avoid carbs end up cranky and lethargic. Or they'll get so used to eating a no-carb diet that if they look at a bagel they'll gain two pounds. Don't avoid carbs completely, just eat the right ones at the right time. There we go, hope I didn't Carb Your Enthusiasm. Ba dum ching!