Batwings are not the key to single-person flight

If I had to pick one question that I get asked a lot by girls, it'd have to be, "How could you have watched so many seasons of American Idol and not be gay?"

If I had to pick the second most common question it would be, "How do I tighten up the back of my arms?"

These are both fair questions, but in this post, we'll address the latter. It's been rumored that $100 million of bailout money will be spent on sleeveless outfits for the first lady to wear to showcase her arms. This will not only stimulate the economy from the sale of sleeveless power-suits, it will also improve our foreign relations somehow.

To prevent working on your own pair of batwings, there's a few things we need to cover.

Although there are several muscles around the area of the wing, the most specific one is the long head of the Triceratops, err, triceps. You can look up some muscular anatomy pictures or just trust me.

The best way to reduce or tighten this area is to lower your body fat. You cannot spot-reduce body fat. Pause for the sink-in effect. You cannot spot-reduce body fat. It will come off uniformly, in the way it wants, or the one place you don't want to lose it first (cough, chest, cough). This is just how it works.

So how do you lower your body fat? Through ridiculous fad diets of course. Then after you realize that those don't work, you should try eating cleaner and exercising. We'll dive into more specifics in other posts, but here's three things to think about:

1) Make sure you're not drinking hundreds of calories in sugar a day. Drink more water.
2) Understand what interval-based cardio means.
3) Look up the best exercises to develop your upper arms and shoulders.

To be fair, there have never been any gay contestants on American Idol. What's that? Who? Ohhhh, I guess I can see it now.